


A Jumble of Headcanons

by SherlockWolf



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adventures, Crack, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Glitter, M/M, headcanons, ke$ha - Freeform, steve being an idiot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-09 16:23:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4356065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just some fun, fluffy headcanons of superhero shenanigans for your enjoyment. BroTPs are endless and in abundance. No real romance, though ships mentioned are stucky and pepperony. Shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Steve's Problem

Steve Rogers had a problem. And that problem was jumping out of things that no human in their right goddamn mind would jump out of.

Back in the days of the war, Bucky always made sure Steve had a parachute before they jumped out of planes. Steve had never argued back then.

But God forbid the man would put on a damn parachute when diving from a jet that was going far faster than any 1940's machine half a mile above the earth.

If he didn't love the man more than life, Bucky swore up and down he would kill Steve with his bare hands when the mission was over.


	2. A Rookie Mistake

One evening, Steve was reading a book in his and Bucky's room in Avengers tower, when an unexpected knock on the door startled him. When he opened it, he found a scarred looking Bucky standing in front of him covered in Velcro-tip NERF bullets.

"Um. Buck?"

"I messed up, Stevie." He replied tonelessly, making Steve slightly worried. Only slightly though. The NERF bullets implied something far less worrying than Bucky's haunted tone.

"What'd you do?"

"I challenged Clint and Nat to a NERF battle."

Steve couldn't help but laugh. One could only made that mistake once in this group.

"Oh, jeeze, Bucky. You're supposed to be a master assassin, how could you make such a rookie mistake?" He asked, still chuckling.

"Don't laugh at me, punk. I got some hits on Barton."

Steve grinned. "And Nat?"

"I didn't even see her." Bucky breathed out in a frustrated stream of words, which only made Steve laugh harder.

"For future reference, always have Nat on your team. Going against her is a sure way to lose." Steve said when he could breathe again, clapping Bucky on the shoulder before dragging his emotionally wounded friend into their room.


	3. Glitter

Nearly every inch of carpet in Avengers tower has traces of glitter. The quantity varies depending on what floor, whose room, and the proximity to an air vent.

Unfortunately for Pepper and Steve, their boyfriends are the instigators of the problem, which causes them, their rooms, and their possessions to have a nearly constant layer of glitter.

One day they decide to join forces and put a stop to the never ending glitter war, which has somehow roped in Barton.

Steve, Pepper, and Natasha gather one day to come up with a way to get the trio to stop. Pepper suggests getting JARVIS to lock Tony from his lab, for Nat to hide away Clint's archery equipment, and for Steve to relentlessly cover Bucky's metal arm in magnets. JARVIS is willing enough to comply, so Nat and Steve decide to go with the plan.

The next morning, the plan has been put into action. Stark wakes up to find that JARVIS won't grant him access to his lab. Barton is unable to locate his equipment, though he stashes it under his bed. And Bucky wakes up to find-

"ROGERS!"

Steve is making himself breakfast when he hears Bucky nearly shriek his name. Oh man, is he in for it.

His best friend comes storming into the kitchen, fury blazing in his eyes as he stalks up to Steve. Sam is in the kitchen with them, completely unaware of the plan, and when he catches sight of Barnes, he loses it.

That only makes Bucky angrier, if even possible.

"WHAT THE HELL STEVE!" Bucky screams, gesturing wildly at his arm, which is covered in none other than glittery mermaid, unicorn, dragon, dinosaur, whale, dog, and cat stickers.

Steve just smirks at him and scrambles his eggs a bit more.

"STEVE THIS ISN'T FUNNY DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT'S GOING TO BE TO-!"

"PEPPER!"

Now Tony is storming into the room, clearly in search of his own insult. "Is she in here?"

"Nope." Sam said, now over his laughter (probably out of fear of Bucky).

"JARVIS says she's locked me out of my fuckin lab!" Tony whines, before taking in the situation that had been happening before he walked in.

"Oh my god."

"NATASHA!"

Now it was Clint's turn. Honestly, Steve wondered where the two women were; they were missing quite the show.

Clint's reaction to Bucky's arm was much the same as Sam's, which resulted in Bucky launching at Steve in an attempt to strangle him. It didn't take much to get Barnes to get off of him, but after, Steve just cracked up.

Despite several attempts, the trio couldn't get him to explain why they were being persecuted, and so they went in search of Nat and Pepper. It didn't take them long to find the women. They were watching a Disney movie one floor down, seemingly oblivious to the commotion that had gone on upstairs.

"NAT GIVE ME MY ARROWS BACK."

"PEPPER. PLEASE. I HAVE IMPORTANT SCIENCE TO DO."

"MAKE STEVE GET THESE OFF OF ME."

Once the trio were present, Pepper stood from the couch to face them while Nat paused the movie.

"Alright guys, here's the deal. We're tired of the glitter war. So what you're all going to do is vacuum the floors, cease the war, and then—only then—will you be released from your punishments."

Needless to say, there was significantly less glitter in Avengers tower after that.


	4. Pop Culture

Sometimes being out of the loop in pop culture didn't bother Steve. He had more important things to do than sit around catching up.

But on occasions when even Bucky was getting—and making—references, Steve wished he had the time.

He, Buck, Nat, and Sam were on a mission one day in a forest of Europe, scoping out what agent Hill suspected was a H.Y.D.R.A. base. At some point they'd been spotted, and had to fight off enemy soldiers.

It wasn't long into the battle before a tree started falling. As it did, Bucky's voice came in over the com.

"It's goin' down, I'm yellin' timber!" He sang into the mic as he kept fighting. Sam and Nat's laughter filled Steve's ears, and he wondered what was funny.

"Did you just quote Ke$ha?" Sam asked, sounding completely shocked.

"Who the hell is Ke$ha?" Bucky responded, but by the tone of his voice the group knew he was kidding.

"I feel like I missed the punch line." Steve said, to which the others chuckled.

"You need to step up your game, Rogers. Bucky's pop culture knowledge is getting ahead of yours." Natasha teased.

"It's okay, Stevie. I'll catch you up on Ke$h when we get home." Bucky promised.

And catch him up he did.


	5. Nat's Game

One of Natasha Romanoff’s new favourite games was to come up with ways to tease Steve about being old (even though he technically wasn’t).  
She threw all sorts of comments at him, from whenever he was being bossy to when he was completely baffled as to how the DVD player worked.  
“Hey, old man.”  
“Calm down, grandpa.”  
“Alright alright, dinosaur.”  
And of course the classic, “I’m here to pick up a fossil.”  
But her game became even more fun when she started teasing him for being young.  
“Look at him, he’s a kid in a candy shop.” She said one day when she and Sam were introducing him to Rocket Fizz.  
“Isn’t that supposed to be said as a figure of speech?” Sam had asked. The two were watching Steve jump around from candy to candy as if he’d never heard of sugar before in his life.  
“Nope. He’s literally a small child.”   
From there, she’d bounce back and forth between calling Steve old man and calling him kid.  
No one questioned it.


	6. Sk8r Boy

    One of the things Bucky discovered he loved were skate boards. Tony had lent him his one time, and from then on Barnes was hooked. He went out and bought one for himself, and whenever he had down time he’d tie up his hair, throw on some loose clothes (and a helmet because Steve had refused to let him out of the tower without one) and head out for the nearest skate park.

    For months he practiced, learning all sorts of tricks from the kids at the various parks he went to. Eventually he became good enough that he was teaching tricks to new kids.

    Once he felt confident enough, he made Steve go with him one day to his favourite park. There, he performed some of his favourite tricks for Steve, who seemed completely surprised at how talented Bucky had gotten at the sport. He praised him on his new abilities so much that Bucky had to fight off a blush, something he’d only ever had to do around Steve.

    He offered to teach Steve how to at the least ride, and after some heated convincing, Bucky managed to get Steve to stand on the board—only to watch him fall off immediately.

    “See, Buck, I’m no good.” Steve said, brushing himself off before handing the board back to Bucky.

    But Bucky was determined.

    About an hour later, he’d managed to teach Steve how to go up and down the ramps. Bucky considered that a success, so when Steve requested they stop he agreed. In his mind, however, Bucky was certain that he would soon teach Steve more.


	7. Huggers VS Octopi

If Steve Rogers is a hugger, Bucky Barnes is an octopus.

    Steve likes the physical comfort of hugs. He hugs whoever’s in the kitchen when he gets up in the morning (which usually is just Sam and Barton). He hugs whoever’s in the T.V. room when he goes to watch something. He hugs after handshakes. He hugs when he’s excited.

    Bucky’s only close to a few of the team: Steve, Nat, Barton, and Sam. Occasionally Pepper when she’s around, but Pepper is too busy to hang around most of the time.

    Of the four people Bucky has grown close to, he’s become quite attached. Often literally.

    Whenever she’s sat on the couch or the loveseat in the main room of the tower, Natasha finds Bucky slinking from wherever he was before and piling himself against her side, arms wrapped around her waist and legs tangled with her own. Sometimes Clint ends up in or being the target of this off-set dogpile as well.

   When they sit next to each other during transportation for missions, Sam finds Bucky attached to him somehow, whether it’s an arm wrapped around his own or a foot resting against his.

    Steve almost never gets a break. Every night when he crawls into bed he is immediately snuggled with by Bucky, who’s arms, legs, torso…practically every inch of Barnes ends up pressed against Rogers as they sleep. And in the morning, Steve generally wakes to find Bucky clinging to him without any signs that he’d even moved during the night.

    Most mornings Bucky will tail Steve to the kitchen for breakfast, the two hand in hand, and when Steve sits down at the table Bucky wraps his ankle around Steve’s from the chair next to him, which is scooted as close as it possibly can be.

    After months of Bucky’s continuous contact, Steve’s the first to come up with the nickname of calling Bucky “octopus”. It sticks like crazy, and eventually everyone who lives in or visits the tower often refers to Bucky as “the octopus”.

    If Bucky minds, he never says.


	8. Natasha's Spending Habits

    Natasha buys the most ridiculous gifts for Steve. One day, she’ll walk into a gift shop in NYC and happen across a t-shirt with dinosaurs, eagles, the American flag, and some ridiculously patriotic saying scrawled over the collage of images. Another day Nat finds a store that is selling a flask with the American flag and the words _Let’s Get Star Spangled Hammered_. Some other time she’ll find American flag booty shorts.

    The worst part is that she brings all of these back to the tower, flaunts them to whomever is home, and then leaves them in Steve’s room for him to find when he gets home.

    The first time she ever did this was when she discovered an American flag themed bikini which she promptly purchased and left on Steve’s bed with a note that read: _I got a size that should be big enough for those ridiculous pecs of yours. I expect a picture. –N_

    She never got her picture of the swim suit, but a few months later when Bucky discovered the booty shorts, she got a few too many pictures.

    Natasha had never laughed more in her life at the expression on Steve’s face when he’d realized that Bucky was taking pictures of him.


	9. Bucky's got the buldge

    It appears that Bucky can’t make up his mind. Occasionally, he oscillates between thirties slang and new-age slang (that, for whatever reason, he has much more of a knack for picking up than Steve does). But the oscillation isn’t between days, hours, minutes, or even people like you might expect.

    Instead, Bucky will mix the two in a jumble of ridiculousness. It generally only happens when he’s in a ridiculous mood, but when it does, anyone in his presence can’t help but wonder what’s possessed the ex-soldier.

    For example.

    One day, Sam spent a solid hour showing Bucky cat videos on YouTube. Bucky loved them; that goes without saying. And so, when he spied Sam showing the same videos to Steve later in the week, Bucky sauntered over and said to Steve without any precedence:

“Cat videos are the bees-knees bro.”

    Another day, Bucky, Natasha, and Steve were out at lunch. Steve had discovered a candy shop on their way home, and so the two ex-KGB soldiers had relented to his pleas to go in. As Steve admired every sweet the store had to offer, Bucky and Nat watched him in amusement.

“Sometimes I forget how much of a kid Steve is.” Natasha commented.

Bucky’s reply: “Stevie’s always been a dweebie-ass mook.”

   The Avengers haven’t quite figured out whether or not Bucky’s intentionally messing with them or if he’s just being ridiculous like Steve argues he’s always been.

    Bucky knows that it’s both.


End file.
